Reflection

Reflection is import to me. 

My Dad taken in 1993

 Picture by Mattie Lou O'Kelley, titled “Watermelon Cutting" It reminds me of my childhood.

Privacy

I want readers to know about my life and what makes me tick. I would love to be able to use real names and because of haters I choose to be anonymous for now.

After spending 3 hours of trying to be anonymous I created a new email address and deleted my first blog and imported it here using Aster Craft as my blog name. Apparently I can't hide my email on blogger and the first email is used had my real name in it. Apparently my children objected to me using my real name associated with my Facebook. My 3 grown sons are not interested in what I blog about. I am not allowed to post on their walls either. Okay, maybe when they get older and married. Right now their friends get gushy about Moms who post on walls.

So this is who I am ... I am 43 and was born in October 1968. That makes me a Libra. I have been divorced twice and currently as of December 2011, I am a widow. My late husband was the light of my life. When my husband passed away I decided to finally time get my degree. I go to school online and I am a homebody so it fits me well. More of myself will unravel as I continue writing my blog. 

My 3 sons are 23 (1989), 21 (1990) and 19 (1992). I divorced their father when the boys were apx.. 3, 5 and 6. He was not part of their lives and I did not get child support. Did not want anything from the scum bag. More on him later.

23 is the strong silent type and has a hard time displaying emotions and having opinions about things, other than his brothers. He has had the same girlfriend since he was 16 and they live together. He is my go guy to get things finished and he is responsible with money.

21 is a hippy right down to his dreadlocks and saggy pants but he is clean. According in the Urban Dictionary he is a person who has a bright outlook on life. They are usually kind, generous, caring and loving etc. Most hippies do care about the environment and are willing to protect and/or improve it. They also have a peaceful presence about themselves. This means that their mind is in a peaceful state. However it should be noted that not all hippies do drugs. You can still be a hippy without the drugs. ... this sums up 21 nicely.

19 is a person you do not want to wake up when he is sleeping which made it difficult to get to school on time no matter what time he went to bed. He is a war history buff and knows everything about campaigns, ships, planes and you name it. He has a girlfriend that is quite a bit older than himself. About two days ago he came to me and told me she was pregnant. More on that later.

My stepson is 27 and married with 2 great kids. He has his Dad's bike and his wife likes to ride also, so that's what they do together. He is a lot like his Dad and even looks like him. They have the same temperament but not build. Stepson is 6'4" and lanky. His Dad was 6' and stocky.

My late husband was the love of my life.He was a teddy bear kind of man. Not ready to write about him yet.

I strive very hard to keep on the positive side of things and this is one of the reasons why I am anonymous. Haters on Facebook are rampant and one of the reasons I wanted to start blogging. I can't say what I want to on Facebook because someone always gets offended and wants payback, including my own extend family. I don't want to cause waves and get bullied. I don't think Facebook is the right platform to expose myself. 

My extended family is quite large. I am the youngest of 12 children and raised Catholic in a small Nebraska town. I am proud of my Catholic upbringing although I do not practice any religion as an adult. I am a Christian who is spiritual and I think religion limits my faith. More later because I want to stay on topic.

Having a large Catholic family is why I can't say what I want on Facebook. Because I am the youngest they all judge me and don't accept me as who I am. They are always trying to change me. I don't even know some of my oldest siblings because they moved away before I was old enough to know them. As I got older they never took the time to get to know me. They were to busy telling me what to do and I felt like I was being pulled in so many different directions, I withdrew. I have not been to a family gathering in something like12 years.

My parents passed away the year I turned 26. It was 1994 and I had 3 small children and was in a rocky marriage. I swear, everyone changed by the end of that year. I know I did and my brothers and sisters became strangers.Holidays were never the same. I tried to stay in contact with my family and it was just not working. I always felt judged and preached upon. I could not be myself around my family. They all had opinions and I was not allowed to be heard. I have not figured this part of my life out yet.

Privacy is because of haters on Facebook. It's my life, my blog and my thoughts.

Aster Craft   

First Post

A place to say what I want to say without worry. Everything from being a mother, being married, becoming a widow, dating again, romance scams, family, work, school and just general life happenings and thoughts.

Thoughts like ... there are not really any good presidents until they are out of office or dead. So quit complaining about our current president and see what they say 10 years from now.

.... No one is completely happy with any president while they are in office so I don't waste my breath. Usually, people in general, don't have anything good to say about normal everyday people until they stumble upon fame or die. People who are in the spotlight are there because they have either done something good or something bad. Some people in general are negative and can't find good in anything. They are called, haters!

.... I, on the other hand, try to find the positive in everything and everyone. Everything happens for a reason and is a learning experience. Learning is a positive thing. The people I met, the places I go and what I do can all be positive in reflection. When something negative happens the positive may only be found in reflection. That's why reflection is important .... and the reason we have a an inner voice.

.... Everyone has those "I should not have done that" or "I should not have said that" episodes through the courses of day and it's okay to have regrets as long as they are corrected or learned from. It's okay to apologize because it shows strength and character if you regret, apologize and actually mean it. 

.... Then there are those thing that happen for a cause and maybe regretted but I can't admit it. There has to be some reason why ... maybe passions and desires outweigh an apology or whatever. It's free speech! I am entitled to an opinion and my blog is my platform. You may not agree and that's okay ... just don't judge me or label badly me without thinking! Thinking is learning and learning is positive!